I am looking for a new world order. A way to make my mind work in a better way and to be someone that I want to be instead of always being someone that I am not. There used to be a sense of urgency in the ways that I thought. I can’t believe how fast the times have changed in the world that I live in the people that I know and the public that surrounds me. I wanna change the way that I see things and I wanna be the person that I always believe in. This is my goal for the day and in any way that I can I am going to achieve this and become somebody’s hero.
There used to be a reason to wake up in the morning and a person who would make me breakfast but I guess that times have changed in the past few years. I guess it’s been more like 15 years since something like that was going on. I miss those days quite a lot I think. You always seem to be unhappy with what you have until it is gone. I’m not going to say that my life is hard now but I will say that there are times when I wish it was a little bit better and the people that I know now are good people but still I miss so many of the people that I used to know and the people that are sadly now dead.
How can this be? How can so much of the good things that surrounded my life be so gone and so impossible to get back? I wish I could figure out just why the world has left me all alone but I guess it was I the one who strayed from the given path and the one who left all of that behind me. I was able to find a world without drama and to find some relaxation time. The truth is though that I will never be one who can relax. This is just not who I was built to be but this puts me in a position to work my butt off because I stress over paying the bills and how am I going to say I accomplished something in life.
I have had so many people who doubted me along the way. I guess most of the time I have proven them right. I have been hoping to change this for years but I was arrogant in times of success and disaster always seemed to follow. I am now the type of person who deserves success and understands that hard work that must go into it. I can now see myself working on something for months rather than just days at a time. I don’t expect instant results because I am becoming someone who appreciates the level of hard work that some of this stuff can entail. That’s the difference between me and who I used to be and that should be the difference in winning and losing.
I do appreciate everyone who has taken the time to listen to my story. I am a person that loves to tell the way my mind works and to talk about my journey through time and the things that I have seen and the way that I have felt along the way. I look forward to posting more things and I would love to hear from you! Until then my friends, I bid you well.
Chadgerald's Blog 